


Nothing Really Matters

by throam (orphan_account)



Category: Panic! at the Disco
Genre: Angst, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-02
Updated: 2016-10-02
Packaged: 2018-08-19 02:48:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 768
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8186473
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/throam
Summary: I was eighteen when I first met you. In the low light of your basement.In which Brendon and Ryan write each other love notes.





	

25th September 2006

Dear Ryan, I was eighteen when I first met you. In the low light of your basement. You were playing guitar, strumming absentmindedly, playing the chords of a song I'd never heard before. You looked up at me and smiled, and I couldn't help but to smile back. You stood up and walked toward me, greeting me, introducing yourself and Spencer. I didn't really care for knowing anyone else's names in that moment. I was distracted by your eyes, shining hazel and softly outlined with eyeliner. You picked up your guitar and began teaching me the song you'd wrote. I tried to focus but the lyrics became blurred, melting before me. All I heard was your voice, beautiful and soft. It's funny how I became the lead singer. I've always preferred your voice to mine, it reminds me of that night. The first night that I even thought about love. After that band practice, the first one, we went to get ice cream, just the two of us. I don't know how that happened, but I'm glad it did. It was like we'd known each other for years. That was the night you almost kissed me. _Almost_. You leaned your head towards mine, but played it off by whispering something stupid. Or maybe I'm just stupid. I know you don't like me, not in that way. We're just friends, and that's all you'll ever see me as. Then came the night you _did_ kiss me. I thought it had meant something, I thought you returned my feelings. I was wrong. You were drunk, that's all. I remember crying myself to sleep that night, telling myself that you don't love me. It's stupid and I'm over it now. Not over you, but over the fact that we'll only ever be friends. I don't believe in love at first sight, but I do believe in love and over the past year I've learned that I do love you. Call me a clueless teenager, but I do know what love feels like. You're my everything, and as long as you're smiling, I'll be smiling, too because your happiness is all I need, and all I ever will need. I know you're never going to know how I feel, and I don't expect you to, but I have to deal with my feelings, or at least hide them away. All I know is that nothing really matters except for me to be with you. You're never going to read this letter, I'm not giving it to you anyway. I might keep it, though. I can look at this in years and laugh about how stupid I am, maybe we can both laugh, and let it blow over. I'm running out of paper so I think I'll stop writing now. I love you, that's all.

* * *

13th November 2006

_Dear Brendon, I know you didn't want me to find this, but I was looking for my t-shirt that you stole, and I found this in your bag. Anyway, if you are reading this at any point in the near future, I want you to know that I think I love you, too.  If it isn't love, it's pretty close to it. I've only dreamed of hearing those words from you, and I guess looking at them in the form of words is almost as amazing. This isn't the best response to you telling me you love me, but I'm lost for words if I'm honest. I'm supposed to be a writer, but all I can do right now is babble about my wildest dreams. There's not much paper left, so I might just talk to you in person. Yeah, I think I'll go and talk to you right now.  p.s: I love your voice a lot, it's almost as beautiful as you are._

* * *

 

18th November 2006

Dear Ryan. This is so fucking crazy! I can't explain how happy I am right now. When you spoke to me the other day, I thought you were lying, to make me feel better, I don't know. There's no point in writing this when I can talk to you, but I want something to remember the best day of my life. You kissed me yesterday. You kissed me. And it meant something. It wasn't alcohol-induced, it wasn't of pity or anger, it was a kiss that meant so much, it meant everything. I've said before but I love you. I really love you, a lot. And I think I'm about to officially run out of paper now. I think I'll talk to you. Yeah. 

 

 

 


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